moo™'s Guide: 10 Ways To Identify A Cult

The world is a sinister place filled with cons and crooks. Many a time we have heard of someone that had been ripped off. In most instances, its simply a painful lesson. However, YOUR SOUL IS NOT SAFE, when it comes to FALSE PROPHETS deceiving you of your sole ticket to whatever Heaven you believe in, if any. The following are 10 simple telltale signs of a cult.


10. Harry Potter Banned

Nobody is safe!!! We cant allow OUR mindless hordes to read anything that could threaten to seduce their attention. In fact, even material from other 'similar religious organisations' are also WRONG too. Only WE offer the SUPREME and UNIQUE salvation. Please subscribe to us and ONLY US. Harry Potter banned. The DaVinci Code banned. Newspaper banned. Common sense banned. In fact to sum it up, any other organisation equipped with a means to publish and print... BANNED!!!

http://www.infoplease.com/spot/banned-harry.html

9. Pokemon Banned

Right. At first glance, number 10 seems to be the same as number 9. If you have read this far then you are probably right. So whats the difference? You may ask. The subtle difference is that we have all assumed up to this point that people have the ability to read. Reading is such a rare ability nowadays that only 1% of the people who claims that they can read would actually read. The bulk of the people out there would rather watch Television: The Grand Provider of ALL INFORMATION. Now now now people. We cant have the minions be distracted by any forms of Multimedia Evil right? They watch and listen only to stuff we ALLOW them to. OUR videos. OUR CDs. OUR DvDs. Which brings me to the next point...

http://archives.cnn.com/2001/WORLD/meast/03/26/saudi.pokemon/

8. Merchandising

Show your support!!! BUY BUY BUY!!! Its your duty to purchase as many of our products beyond your means to show your everlasting support. If it bears our logo or stamp of approval then its bound to be good. Aint it nice that now we decide for you how to spend your bucks? How 'NICE' of us.

http://talkback.stomp.com.sg/forums/showthread.php?t=3650

7. Getting High

Many CULTures have over the centuries used various unorthodox methods to get closer to a Higher Power. Many of which includes use of powders, poisons or drugs that induce ‘A State of Visions’ better known as getting high. The best documented group of beings (hippies) definitely made a breakthrough with this divine ability to get closer to the Higher Power. Whether these so-called Visions were inspired by any higher being, or by dehydration, starvation and drug abuse, we will never know. If you hang out in the desert sun, dont drink or eat, and you smoke stuff, you will have Visions too.

http://www.hippy.com/

6. Everyone is ‘Special’

I don’t like the word ‘Special’. This word has been so cliched that it conjures up a picture of repugnant expletives in me. No offence but too many people is categorised under the ‘Special' category: Disabled, Homosexuals, Politicians… Its a LIE people. A sickening lie that is used to hoodwink the common, uneducated, deluded sheep that they are all ‘Special’ so that they can be milked for all their worth. Call a rock a rock. Fact of the matter is if everyone is ‘Special’ then nobody truly is.

http://www.macscreensavers.com/screenShotPages/timmy_shot.html

5. Bombs

What better way to express your absolute love for a Higher Power than possessing the celestial ability to construct bombs and strap yourself or some disabled to it? HE wishes you to be blown to bits so that your righteousness can be dismantled to a trillion pieces to give to the world. Blow yourself to bits!!! It’s the only way to annul your sins and attain martyrdom. OH OH OH… and as a bonus you get to appear in the news too. I simply cant think of a better deal, CAN YOU?

http://www.military.com/NewsContent/0,13319,161249,00.html

4. Human Sacrifice

Any sign that you see a person sacrificed, GET THE HELL OUT. You could be next.

http://www.dartmouth.edu/~spanmod/assets/mural/panel3.gif

3. Humanoids with a Goats Head

Well sometimes its that obvious. The fellow on stage that dishes out the scriptures has a Goats Head and he is accompanied by an army of burning imps. His companions cackle and praise him for all his glory with fire and brimstone as the back drop. Compare this with the well-groomed, sweet-talking and charismatic individual whom you listen to every week. I CAN TELL WHO THE REAL DEVIL IS. YES I CAN. YES I CAN.

http://www.ppcsg.com/lofiversion/index.php/t67979.html

2. A Dolla in Da Boxa

Salvation for Sale! Salvation for Sale! Salvation for Sale! Juz put a Dolla in Da Boxa!!! Its no secret that the 2 best ways to get rich are to own a XXX.com or be a cult leader. I choose the latter, Tax Exemption rules.

http://mrtwig.net/ep/411.html

1. Bak Kua and Coke are bad

My version of heaven is a Land of Endless Bak Kua and Coke. How can it be heaven when its bad?

http://yummyyummyyummy.blogspot.com/2006/12/mei-zhen-xiang-cheese-bak-kua.html